The Bug
by YYG
Summary: Humor; Warning: Mild Swearing. A little friend visits a certain cook.


Me: (sings) WHAT IS THIS FEELING~? OH, YES! IT'S THE FEELING OF PLOTLESSNESS~! It feels sort of empty~! I...don't like it~.

Mid: We feel like this is just PWP really...

Disclaimer: Oda-sensei...is a cruel sensei indeed TT^TT.

Warning: If you hate bugs, and you have a vivid imagination...be careful.

While Sanji stirred the boiling rice, something didn't feel right. He was feeling like he's being watched for a long time now, but everyone was so busy doing their own thing around the ship, why would anyone want to be concerned with him? There was absolutely no one anywhere near the kitchen. It seemed his wandering mind made him to mix the rice a little too hard, causing the water to topple over the brim of the medium-sized pot. Sanji sighed, taking one more full glance around the certainly _empty_ kitchen. He wasn't crazy. Nope, not one bit, but this nagging feeling wouldn't leave no matter or how long he would try to ignore it. Finally, the blonde dismissed it as paranoia and continued with his cooking.

A strange sound rung in the cook's ears as he bent down to check on the slowly baking pot roast. He closed the stove as soon as the sound voiced itself again; his eyes searching frantically around his territory. It was probably one of Luffy's damn games. Yeah, that's it. Sanji should have known better. Opening the oven again, he cautiously checked to see if the sound was coming from inside it. No, his stove was working spectacularly, as usual. The nagging feeling turned into an uneasy and oddly stalked one. He had never had a feeling like this in his entire life, and he didn't know how to go about it. He brushed his blonde locks out of his face before swallowing nothing but saliva hesitantly. Turning his attention back on the rice, the noise sang quietly once more. This time, he could tell it sounded like two pieces of styrofoam being furiously rubbed together.

Sanji's eyebrow rose. What the hell resembled styrofoam in his kitchen? The sound was extremely loud in his opinion, growing more annoying each time it wanted to speak. Thoroughly pissed, Sanji glowered straight ahead, not focused on anything particular. If he stayed still, maybe he could pin point where it was coming from. The paranoid cook immediately whipped his entire body towards the door when he heard it again, but nothing and/or no one was there. It came from the table on his right side this time, meaning he only had to turn around like ninety degrees. Again, still nothing. It then voiced from the fridge (another ninety degrees), and when he turned again, it voiced from where his precious rice was cooking. The cook literally just spun around the whole galley. "The fuck?" Sanji growled aloud. He seriously had enough of this game.

Once the words left his mouth, a buzzing noise replaced the small styrofoam-rubbing. Having not moved from facing the fridge, Sanji only turned his neck slightly. His eyes widened horrifically. He felt like a scream would tear from his throat, but he kept his lips tightly sealed. It was just a damn beetle on his shoulder. The thing was a repulsive pitch black with a shiny, bright yellow stripe in the shape of a lightning bolt running down the middle of its back. Its antennae were longer than its body, appearing to have slimy ridges reaching the very tip. The teeth were visible; small but sharp and a sick lime greenish color of saliva connecting between the fang gaps. And it was fairly big, too; big enough to almost cover Sanji's complete shoulder. Granted, he had a thin shoulder regardless.

He could handle killing it, no problem.

As Sanji grabbed the dish rag, which was hanging loosely on the edge of the counter, he brought it slowly towards the tiny pest. He could just use his spare one in the cabinet once he killed it. He readied himself to capture it, but it fucking moved out of his arms reach and behind his back. Sanji went pale once he couldn't see it anymore. He wasn't much of an insect person, so having one on his body was definitely terrifying.

The blonde flailed his arms, hoping it crawled into his arm sleeve and he could just shake it out. When nothing happened, he felt an agonizingly long and wet substance run over the back of his neck. Sanji gagged as he tried to bat it away, but it _moved_ again. Did he just get licked by a fucking bug? Food completely forgotten, Sanji stepped away from the stove so he wouldn't break anything as he tried effortlessly to rid himself of the creature. He shook, he wiggled, he thrashed, and finally, he stood stock still. He couldn't feel the thing's tiny legs on his skin, so had it fallen off?

Suddenly, the buzzing sound rung from what he thought was his shoulder again, but when he looked, nothing was there. The long, wet, nauseating lick he felt on his neck moved to the back of his right ear, causing him to shiver out of disgust and sheer horror. The beetle slowly crawled onto the outer shell of his ear, brushing its legs against his earlobe purposely. Sanji's body was too scared and appalled to move and swat it off for good. The buzzing sound grew until he was sure it was imprinted in his very brain. Its tiny feelers left disgusting feather-like tingling sensations not just on his ear, but what felt like his entire body. It was as if Sanji felt and heard its mouth opening with a low-pitched "tch", pulling apart oozing spit in the process. It was as if he felt and heard the mouth with green-stained, slim covered teeth slowly, _slowly_, inching towards his ear hole to possibly lay eggs inside of him. To possibly make its way into his brain to feed. To possibly poison him, leaving him absolutely immobile, with a single, painful, _revolting _damp bite.

Sanji couldn't keep his scream in anymore.

~\!/\!/\!/~

Zoro sat with his legs crossed, back leaning against the galley door. He had just finished training, meaning his nap was terribly needed about now. The sun was high in the sky without a care in the world, the wind blew steadily past his face, the Sunny itself was uncharacteristically silent; Zoro was certain this would be the best nap of his life. He laid the side of his limp head against the door, ear pressing into the wood. The swordsman dozed off peacefully, dreaming about fights with mighty overlords or a strong groups of Marines.

_The atmosphere was a bit unsettling, but the moon was there to illuminate the forest trees beautifully. Zoro stood with all three swords unsheathed, Wado protectively clutched between his fangs. A man, about twenty feet tall, stood not but three meters away from him. His face was scarred and wrinkled, obviously meaning he'd been fairly older than Zoro. In his hands were large Swiss Army knives, both with their corkscrews facing outward. _

_"You're gonna fight me with that?" Zoro snickered._

_"You're right," the man stated, voice deep and icy. "You're not worth it. A nail clipper would be so much more effective." That struck a nerve inside Zoro, but he didn't let it show. The bastard actually changed it to nail clippers! The green-haired swordsman gripped his weapons tightly, pointing Kitetsu straight towards his target. "You'll wish you never did that. But, oi, how you wanna die is on your conscience. Any final words?" Zoro asked menacingly._

_"__**AIEYYYYYYYYYYAAAA**__!"_

_Zoro frowned as the man's face twisted up, appearing as if he had smelled something foul. "E-excuse me?" Zoro pressed._

Before Zoro realized it, he was awake and sitting up from the wall. He growled; right when the good part was about to happen. Confused, he stood up clumsily, body still half asleep, and headed towards the kitchen. That's where everything went wrong on this damn ship. Something suddenly caused the ship to vibrate, along with the sound of cracking wood. Zoro flung the kitchen door open, shocked at what he found. The cook was flushed with anger, fuming as he used his overly strong legs to stomp repeatedly on the floor in various places, causing ridiculously huge dents. Sanji was too focused on crushing something that looked like a giant ant to noticed Zoro standing at the entrance, staring, completely amused.

The damn bug kept avoiding his foot by scattering to a random spot, just inches away from his opposite one. Sanji growled; a damn insect wasn't going to mock him and get away with it! The beetle scampered and fled, with Sanji following closely behind it, until it reached the door. A dark green boot came crashing down on it, making a sickening "squishhh" echo throughout the room. Sanji grinned wickedly to himself, feeling proud of his accomplishment. "Aha! Take _that_, asshole! I finally killed your...ass?" The blonde glanced up to the owner of the boot, which, at first, he thought was his. Zoro stood with his arms over his chest and a smug grin spread over his features. The shit-cook looked so happy until he saw him.

"I heard you squeal," Zoro admitted teasingly. The cook didn't respond to the fight starter, though he desperately wanted to point out that he doesn't squeal. Sanji only looked back at the swordsman's boot in disappointment. "No," the cook breathed, "No, no, no, no! Damn Marimo!"

"What?" Zoro asked. He thought he had helped the bastard by getting a bug out of his beloved kitchen. Why was he being so ungrateful? Sanji gritted his teeth angrily as his eyes darted back up to the other's face. He wanted to kill it _himself. _He had a good ass motive, too! "_I_ needed to kill it! I didn't want you to help me, you jerk! Me and that thing had business to settle!"

"Well, it's settled," Zoro declared. The cook only groaned as he shivered, hugging himself. He still felt that _thing's_ legs on him, mainly his ear. Zoro had been completely bad timing to this whole situation. Sanji needed revenge. He felt his lips move on their own, entirely against his will. "Marimo," he called, "is it weird to feel violated by a bug? Is it fucking...possible?" Zoro opened his mouth, but closed it after he couldn't find the words he was looking for. How was he suppose to respond to that?

Sanji sighed as he turned his attention back to his rice. It was probably over cooked, but Luffy wouldn't know the difference if he baked more meat. Zoro hadn't moved from his place as the cook continued to attend an early dinner. No matter how he processed the situation, Zoro couldn't make any sense of it. He shrugged; a nap was calling his name right now. He didn't want to waste his time on this type of thing.

Once Zoro left, Sanji leaned on the counter for support. He let a shiver run through his body before taking out the meat. He'd have to clean up that giant blood stain before anyone else set foot in the kitchen.

"Oi, Sanji," Usopp called cheerfully as he strolled into the galley. Sanji glanced at him before going back to fixing the rice. "Have you seen-" he stepped on the creature's remain once he entered the kitchen, causing the familiar "squishhh" to echo in Sanji's ears. "SENOR LOVE-BUG! NOOOO!" Usopp fell to his knees dramatically as he cried in the threshold. Sanji's eye twitched, but he wouldn't comment. Damn this crew sometimes.

Me:...Don't ask...I don't even know myself...

Mid: ...uh, okay then... Review?


End file.
